12 Overlooked Superman Facts Proving He's a Huge Wimp
Superman is so emblematic of power and bravery that it's easy to forget he may not actually be living up to his namesake. Compared to other super heroes, and especially super villains, Superman may be kind of a punk.
What makes the so-called Superman not so super?
A lot of things, actually. Here's a list of all the reasons Superman is actually a crappy superhero and could be taken out by my buddy Jimmy who can bench press 20 lbs.
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1.
He's Entitled Superman gets all his powers simply from being from another planet. On Krypton, he's just an average schmuck, but because of planetary imbalances, on Earth he's a freakin' superhero. Applauding Superman for any of his strength or "bravery" is like applauding Jeff Bezos for donating $1 million to some charity. It's too easy for him. -
2.
He Gets Whooped Superman is constantly getting beat up. Bad guys just kick his ass left and right, and he rarely has it in them to fight back. If he were truly super he should stand up for himself once in a while. -
3.
He's a Cuck Superman straight up watched his girlfriend Lois Lane bang some other guy, and continued to pursue her. Have some self-respect, SuperCuck. -
4.
He Let His Girlfriend Die Pining for a woman who's sleeping with someone else is one thing, but then letting that woman die when you're an invincible super being from another planet is just pathetic. You're supposed to rescue the damsel in distress, not let her die...idiot. -
5.
He Went on Life Support How the hell is Superman gonna end up in the ICU? This broke jackass is supposed to be INVINCIBLE. Also, who's paying for that hospital bill? Broke boy here ain't got health insurance, so you know he's just a leech on privatized medicine. -
6.
He's a Drunk We all go through it once in a while, but Superman really lost it when he became a lazy drunk. That 'S' on his chest definitely doesn't stand for 'sober.' -
7.
He Almost Drowned Again...is this man not supposed to be invincible? Yet here he is being drowned in some water like a complete fool. Superman basically needs a Life Alert bracelet to call for help every time he gets into a fight. -
8.
He's a Crybaby How many tears must he shed before enough's enough? OK, his parents died and that's a bummer, but Superman cries about almost everything. His nickname is supposed to be Man of Steel, not Man of Emotional Vulnerability. -
9.
You Know Who's Better? Lex Luthor Unlike Superman, Lex Luthor is just a man who aspired to greatness, and achieved it by his own means. He wasn't born into it like Superman. Lex Luthor is actually the enviable protagonist of the Superman stories. -
10.
Why Is Lex Luthor Better Than Superman? Check out his girlfriend from the original 1978 movie. She thicc and classy. You can't land a woman like this without being a true gentleman of merit Lex Luthor = Chad Superman = Virgin -
11.
Lex Luthor's Also Ambitious and Self-Respecting Lex is a man who knows what he wants and takes it. Money? Check. Huge mansion? Check. Optimism and confidence to make his dreams of destroying the world come true? Big check. Meanwhile, Superman is playing dress up as an illiterate nerd. No child should look up to that as a role model. -
12.
Lastly, Lex Luthor Is a Man of Knowledge Have you seen this dude's library? He's got enough books to make Shakespeare cum. Meanwhile, it's unclear if Superman ever even learned to read. Like the meathead he is, he just wants to skate by in life on his looks and inherited physical wealth. Absolute trash.
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He's Entitled Superman gets all his powers simply from being from another planet. On Krypton, he's just an average schmuck, but because of planetary imbalances, on Earth he's a freakin' superhero. Applauding Superman for any of his strength or "bravery" is like applauding Jeff Bezos for donating $1 million to some charity. It's too easy for him.
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